


Breathe

by tabbytabbytabby



Series: Scott Appreciation Week '19 [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Post-Season/Series 03B, Sad Scott McCall (Teen Wolf)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 13:31:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18344669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Scott visits Allison's grave.





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> For Day 3 of Scott McCall Appreciation Week: Open Wounds

_"I'm in the arms of my first love. The first person I ever loved. The person I'll always love. I love you, Scott. Scott McCall."_

Scott’s heart is beating hard in his chest. He can hear the rhythmic thumping in his ears.

Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub.

A sign that he’s here. He’s alive.

Right now he wishes he wasn’t.

All he wants is to see Allison again. To see her face and the way her eyes crinkle when she smiles. To hold her.

He’s angry. He can’t remember the last time he felt this angry. Angry at the Nogitsune for taking her from him. At himself for not being able to save her. Maybe if he’d been just a little faster, or stayed closer she’d still be here.

He’d gladly take a blade to the heart if it meant Allison was here and alive and breathing.

He can feel the rain beating down hard against his skin and closes his eyes. He welcomes it. At least this is something he can feel.

He remembers one of his first dates with Allison. One of the rare quiet times they got here. They’d been out walking when they’d gotten trapped in the rain. Rather than running for shelter, Allison had opened her arms and laughed as she spun around. It’s one of his favorite days with her.

Feeling the rain on his skin makes him feel closer to her now than he has since she died.

“Scott?”

For a moment he thinks the voice is Allison. Then his mother comes into view. She kneels down next to him in the grass. Scott has a moment to think about how her pants are going to stain. It’s such a silly thing to think about. Especially right now. But to him it’s just another thing ruined because of him.

“Scott?”

“I’m fine, Mom.”

The words sound hollow, even to him. He knows there’s no way his mother believes them. But they’re necessary. He has to be fine. He doesn’t have a choice.

“You’re not,” his mother says, “And that’s okay. You lost someone important to you. You’re allowed to grieve.”

The moment he feels his mom’s arms wrap around him something inside him snaps. All the pain he’s been holding back comes to the surface. It spills over, filling every part of him until he feels like he can’t breathe.

“I miss her so much,” Scott sobs.

“I know. I know you do sweetheart.”

“It hurts,” Scott says, clutching tightly to his mom’s back. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this. I just… I can’t breathe. Mom. Why can’t I…?”

Scott fights against the weight on his chest, struggling to get air into his lungs. He can hear his mom saying something but her words don’t register. Everything feels so far away. His chest feels tight and heavy, and his lungs don’t seem to want to work.

His vision starts to blur. Then he sees her there standing over him.

“Allison.”

He smiles as she kneels next to him. He wants to reach out and touch her. To feel the warmth of her skin. But he knows that’s not possible. At least not yet.

“You need to breathe Scott,” she tells him.

“I can’t.”

“You can,” she says. “I know it’s hard, but you have to.”

“But you…”

“We’ll see each other again. But not for a very long time. You make sure of that.”

“I love you,” he tells her. “I didn’t get to say it, but I do.”

She smiles sadly, “I know. I love you too. Now breathe.”

She leans down and Scott closes his eyes, pretending that he can feel her lips on his skin. Her hair tickling his face the way it always used to. The sweet smell of her cherry ChapStick.

When he opens his eyes, she’s gone.

His mom is leaning over him, her face worried. It’s then that he realizes he’s on his back on the ground. He doesn’t even remember moving.

“What happened?”

She runs a hand through his hair, “You were having a panic attack.”

“Allison?”

"We're at her grave," his mother tells him. "Don't you remember?"

“I saw her.”

She smiles sadly but doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need her to speak to know what she’d say. That sometimes we see what we need to. And in that moment, while he was panicking and fighting to breathe, he’d needed Allison.

He knows there’s a chance it was all in his head, but part of him wants to hold onto it being real. To have been able to have those last moments with her, however small. To say the things he wishes he’d said while she was still alive.

So he lets himself believe. As his mom helps him to his feet he takes a deep breath in and exhales. It’s not easy. He doesn’t know if it ever will be. If there will ever be a time when he doesn’t feel this crushing weight on his chest. He almost doesn’t want there to be. Because that would mean being okay. He doesn’t want to be okay without Allison here.

But he knows she’d want him to be. Eventually. So he does the last thing he asked of him. He breathes.


End file.
